Let's see... about the time 14,000 PWDs were testing their blood sugar on Tuesday, I was being weighed at the endo's office and then having my finger poked for an A1c. 7.2. No terrible, but not where I want it. Not where I feared it would be, either, though so I guess there's that. As usual, I get hung up on the highs; my endo focuses on the lows. He wants to eradicate them "because they cause the highs" and because they are dangerous. But my lows, I treat and move on. My highs have a tendency to hang around. They make the line from The Born Again Diabetic about how high BG is to your circulatory system as sugar is to strawberries (maceration). And even if I pull them down fast, their emotional toll lingers. But, I get it and I know I need to even things out so I'm working on tweaks to get rid of the pesky lows.
I've been talking to my insurance company for a while about covering Animas - I would much prefer to get my supplies direct and I am due for a new pump. The nurse who handles chronic patients had never heard of Animas. There are really only three pump companies in the running these days. For the nurse to have not ever heard of the one my endo really likes now (and my preference for 8+ years) did not give me much confidence. I called Animas, too, to ask them to see if maybe they'd struck a deal since the last time I tried. I left it in their hands and crossed my fingers.
The next day, I got a call back. Animas is now in-network. No one is sure when that happened, but it's true (well, I have about 98% faith in this). So, paperwork is being exchanged, a new Ping should be coming soon - early birthday present? - and I'm going to call the mail order pharmacy in South Carolina to tell them to stop sending me my supplies and test strips. Yippee!
So, here I am, trying really hard to celebrate these little victories. To refocus my attention on getting my numbers in line. To be happy and excited that I have access to really good tools for managing my diabetes. But, I get weary of feeling like I'm always reacting, never able to get ahead of it (or not willing to give up enough life to get there). I'm overwhelmed. A bit burnt out, maybe.
On Tuesday, Kerri posted a report from the CWD conference in FL. Apparently Joe Solowiejczyk talked about how it's ok to hate diabetes. That you can hate it and stay positive and proactive. Ok, I can try that. Cut myself a little slack on the emotional side of it while upping my efforts on the clinical stuff.
The part of Kerri's post that really struck a chord though, came at the end. The dreams PWDs have of life after a cure. Joe said he'd sit on a bench and do nothing for three weeks. It's been a long time since I've paid attention to how much effort it takes to sit still. I am thinking about camping for my birthday - going somewhere with visible stars in the night sky and sleeping with the rain fly off the tent so I can look at them until I fall asleep. And that will be peaceful, a sort of rest I'm in desperate need of. But, if I'm honest about it, I won't be able to let it all go. I can sit quietly on a bench, looking to all the world like I'm doing nothing, but I am really constantly checking how I feel, thinking about when I ate, how confident I am in my carb count, how soon I need to test to be sure......
So, I'm with Joe when he says he'll sit still, look at the clouds and do nothing rather than eat a whole cake without thinking. But, I might find my bench on the deck at my favorite restaurant and also eat a fabulous meal, without counting anything. And I'll raise my glass of prosecco to that cure. It's coming, right?
5 comments:
A1C's can be so relative can't they!
I listened to a speaker once in St. Paul(ish) somewhere who talked about all of the counter-regulator hormones our bodies release when we go low. He said that there are about four of them, at least one of which doesn't work right because it comes from our islet cells.
Anyway, two of the four are quick acting, getting the body to do what it can to raise glucose. The other two will still be trying to raise your glucose levels up to eight hours later!
So, there might be something to what the doc was saying. It's a double whammy for me, because I so often over treat, then add all the goofy counter regulatory stuff in the mix and I'm really screwed!
Maybe you should go back to the Pacific North West for a camping trip?
Just curious -- is there any cross talk between people with chronic diseases of various sorts? I'd bet the feelings of frustration and never leaving tx behind would be shared across the board.
Yes, it`s coming. The prosecco is cooling already. Lots of love. a.
Stay positive! Lixie (SP Hostess)
When you walk through a storm hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At the end of a storm is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark.
Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown.
Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone,
You'll never, ever walk alone.
Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone,
You'll never, ever walk alone.
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