epiphany

not the holiday, not the (almost) annual party, the AH-HAH!

Remember the funk? Well, it lifted quickly, but not entirely. I sketched a little, but I didn't really get into it. I collaged one night while ElectricYoak was at class, but I didn't get through all the things I wanted to put in the journal. It's been half-assed. I've been knitting like crazy and reading. I was starting to think that the productivity of craft is what I love, rather than the creativity and that might be why I stalled out on the visual journal.

fountain in the courtyard at the monastery in Melk

Then, a couple days ago, I listened to a podscast interview with Keri Smith. While I didn't love the interviewer, I was very happy to listen to Keri speak and two things really clicked for me.

The first was her belief that if you're feeling down/uncreative/uninspired (but not clinically depressed), you need to let yourself be that way for a while. Enjoy the curling up in bed with a book and rest. She has learned that after a big project is completed, her creative soul needs a break, but after it's left alone a bit it starts spewing great ideas again. This made me think about how long I felt burnt out at work. No wonder so much doing nothing has felt right to me. So, time to let go of the guilt for resting.

fountain in the courtyard at the monastery in Melk

The second epiphany came when she was describing her "tool kit." She said she takes her journal everywhere and her glue stick because she's always gluing things into it. I used to carry my glue stick in my sketch tool pouch, but I stopped because I always waited to glue things in until I had time/space to make an attempt at a proper collage. I even made a pocket in the back of my latest journal to collect things to glue in "later." So I started thinking about the journals which I wanted to be a record of what's happening NOW, but are becoming a record of what happened a few weeks ago. They lose the emotional response that way. And then it dawned on me, I have been thinking about my journals as being for others instead of myself. After my Paris trip, I let lots of people look at my journals and I was totally ok with it. I came here expecting that people will want to see the Vienna series. In the back of my mind I had a little thought that if they were "good enough" maybe I'd turn them into a book in the genre of "an architect in...". Oh, hello wall. When the journals aren't just for me, they have way too much power over me. So, I'm taking them back. They're only for me. I'm not going to show anyone. And I'm going to start carrying my glue stick so I can glue in the interesting receipts and the tickets on the spot (before they're sent through the wash, DAMN IT). For all the people who aren't here with us, we're writing a blog. That is where the stuff for everyone else goes. My journals are for me.

Oh, and I found a place here that has a similar effect to riding in/driving a convertable:

Alpha Romeo parked, briefly, in front of our apartment building
I didn't see the driver

you (ok, I) can't be in a bad mood at Kunst Haus Wein.

the courtyard cafe at Kunst Haus Wien