bigD Reality Check

The media is making me very frustrated. It does that a lot, but this time is more personal than usual. And because of that, this post may get long, it will likely ramble a bit. I need to get some of my thoughts out of my head on this issue(s) so please bear with me, or come back another day for photos of knitting and necklaces.

Even before her nomination, the diabetic bloggers were wondering whether Sonia Sotomayor's Type 1 Diabetes would be an issue in the confirmation process. I got angry just thinking about it. I can't recall ever hearing analysis of a potential appointee's blood pressure, family history of heart disease, chronic migraines, seasonal allergies, jaywalking record or any other condition that might, on any given day, distract a person's focus from the task before them or kill them in a shorter time span than one would statistically expect of a "normal" human being. But, somehow diabetes is just strange enough to warrant extra attention.

There have been some really terrible articles written - Time/CNN appears to have fired their fact-checking staff just prior to publishing this one. (I hesitated to link to it, but I decided I might as well let you read it and come back to ask me questions if you'd like.) A warning: the photo at the top appears to have been selected to freak you out. The needle looks longer than any I ever had and despite the caption's implication that it is the Judge shooting up, I'm fairly certain it is a very posed stock photo.

There have been some better ones. I made it all the way to the last paragraph of Slate's take on the (shouldn't be a) story before I got completely pissed off. For most of the article, I thought they did a pretty good job of arguing that Sotomayor's diabetes shouldn't be any more of a factor than other health issues (which aren't typically considered). I was ok with their idea that a process for dealing with an obstinate but incapacitated justice would be a good thing to have. But they decided to throw in a completely unnecessary and sensational twist at the end to drive the point home. And that is what pissed me off.

My anger over the sensational twist got me thinking about the whole article all day. There is a quote from an endocrinologist at UCLA Health system about her self-care, pulled from The Huffington Post (THP). Reading the Slate paraphrasing, I wondered about a New Yorker seeing a UCLA endo, but THP published a copy of the letter (they better have had permission from the patient...). I was also pleased that while they noted her A1c to be "at ideal levels" and her control to be "better than 98% of diabetics" they left out the actual numbers because most of the world wouldn't know what that A1c "should" be. THP gives you all the details and then some, which I'm not ok with. When I interview for a job, I'm asked where I went to school, where I've worked, what projects I've done and what my role was on those projects. I'm not asked to publish my A1c for all my potential co-workers (never mind the whole world) to see and judge.

I still don't think her A1c or her doctor's projections that she won't develop complications should be a consideration in her confirmation, by the legislature or by the public. But, since it's out there, I'm taking a personal inspection of this knowledge and the way it's being written about. As a diabetic, I'm impressed and inspired to know that Judge Sotomayor is in such excellent control, but I'm also frustrated. I appreciate the message that it's "easy" and under control because that message diminishes its impact on the valid debates of the confirmation process. But to hear the president of the American Diabetes Association on NPR this week telling me that diabetes self-care is simple: you test your blood glucose, make a rational decision how much insulin to take, and take it, glosses over the reality of living with this disease (and you know I hate that term). Yes, that's the message I give to the general public, too (well until recently on this blog). I don't want to be seen first as a diabetic then as a human being with a profession and creative interests and friends and family and .... But, the reality is that diabetes is really hard. You can follow those three simple steps, even adding eating exactly the same thing at exactly the same time every day and still your numbers will swing around. Human bodies are incomprehensible. For the diabetic ones, there are hormones we don't understand that impact the effectiveness of the insulin (also a hormone) we inject. We have emotions, weather, activity, scar tissue and machines that don't always work perfectly (last night I had a very bad high and discovered that my infusion site was leaking - I put in a new set, followed my "simple" steps and pulled it down without disaster, just a little low mid-morning). The stories that diabetes is easy imply that perfection is attainable. I don't need more pressure that direction. Even my endo tells me I have too much internal pressure toward that goal. I'm trying to learn to accept my human imperfections and the uncontrollable forces conspiring against me. To take care of myself the best I can without blaming/shaming myself when the numbers aren't "perfect." Stories full of inaccuracies and stories that minimize the reality aren't helping. Fortunately, I've found the Diabetes O.C. and the courage of Kerri, Lee Ann, Scott, Allison, George, Karen, Kathy and many others to tell their true stories is immensely helpful in my quest for self-compassion (and better control).



Now for a plug. I'm riding in the American Diabetes Association's Tour de Cure one week from today. My local friends have generously joined my team, the Pancremaniacs, and friends and family have donated more than I ever thought they would. But, I raised my goal and I have a bit further to go. If you're so inclined (and haven't already), please stop by my Tour page and add a dollar or two to my tally. I'd like to be in the "Cure Club" on Saturday when I don a red jersey and let everyone know I'm riding with the bigD as well as a big team of people who make that possible. Thank you.